Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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