I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
