it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
