is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize