Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
