if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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