I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i will never coherently bang her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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