Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
