you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
