u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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