I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
