Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
