OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
