I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
