I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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