I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
