so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
