So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Small penises have feelings too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
