Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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