Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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