So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
