You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
