I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
