where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize