the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
