Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
