I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
