I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My sheets look like a crime scene.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
