I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
