Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize