So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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