My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
