the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
