the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
