she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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