"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize