Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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