I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
