This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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