I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize