i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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