By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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