The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
