Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
