The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize