Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
