Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
