I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
