Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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