there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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