either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
