I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
