textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
