Yo dont text me then not text me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize