I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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