I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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