the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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