ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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