Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
