Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
