omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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