If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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