After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
