How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
