1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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