He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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