Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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