like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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