i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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