Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
