I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
