You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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