i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
