Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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