I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
