his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
