I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
