he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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