saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
