I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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