i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
